Burning, burning, burning

Been dreaming of fires, of people being burnt, of trying to burn my house down

Dream 1: Fire Sport
My brother Soubhik is into adventure sports like Dragonboat Racing, Rock Climbing & Scuba Diving. In my dream a few days ago, he was wearing fire protection outfit and using a flame thrower in a closed room; we could see him through a glass window. Basically, it was a form of adventure sports that he was into...
He invited his fiance Edna to join him inside the room and the two of them, masked & gloved were burning things up. It was then I realized that Yogi has also joined them in this dangerous sport...But things suddenly spiraled out of control and he was on fire... I woke up with my heart beating in fright!

Dream 2: Burning the House down
Don't know how the dream started but I remember that there were lots of magazines and papers in a room. It was basically trash in my house that I needed to get rid of. So I started cutting up the papers and trying to set them on fire. Unfortunately, the flames were not very strong and it was taking me a lot of time & effort to get them to stay lit and generate strong flames. I remember getting so frustrated in the process because I wanted to clear my house.

Meaning of Fire: Depending on the context of your dream, to see fire in your dream can symbolize destruction, passion, desire, illumination, transformation, enlightenment, or anger. It may suggest that something old is passing and something new is entering into your life.
(In my case, the new house, the new baby)

To dream that a house is on fire, indicates that you need to undergo some transformation.
If you are setting a fire to something or even to yourself, then it indicates that you are undergoing some great distress. Feelings of anger and frustration. There are is some situation in your life that you can no longer avoid and ignore. Emotions or attitudes that tend to consume you. (I am scared about the fact that I know next to nothing about looking after a baby... And I am frustrated that my husband has much more interest, attention and shows greater responsibility for his job, office politics/colleagues and stupid things like facebook)

To dream that you or someone is being burned alive, suggests that you are being consumed by your own ambition.
(In this case, it might be the tremendous stress involved in getting this house ready, right from finding it, getting a loan, getting the lawyers to work as per our tight schedule, getting the renovation done quickly and correctly while trying to reduce cost, getting the house to look good)

I realize that I am extremely weary now, the pregnancy and the house have really sapped my strength. Plus, I feel that I have had to push my husband every step of the way, even till today and it sometimes feels just too much. And in spite of it all, I feel that my husband takes me for granted!

I dream of Animals

For the last few weeks, I have been dreaming of animals. The 2 dreams that I remember are of being afraid of the snake and the Tiger. In both dreams, I am scared of being bitten.

The tiger dream was the most recent (after a fight in the night with Yogi). I can remember the bare skeleton of the dream. There are 3 cots in a large room and I think I am with Yogi and he has brought the tigers for me as a treat. After a while, I can't see the tigers anymore and I realize that they are hiding under the cots. I am afraid that they will pounce without warning and bite me if I put my foot down.

The interpretation of the Tiger dream seems to be - Tigers are predators who stealthily stalk their victims. Are you feeling stalked by something? Another of the tiger's actions in the wild is its ability to pounce without warning. Therefore, a tiger in a dream can represent powerful emotions that seem to spew up from nowhere, or powerful mood swings. Take a look at your emotions and see if there is something you've been repressing that may be waiting to leap out without warning.

The interpretation of the Snake dreams seem to be - To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream, signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Snakes appearing in dreams can often symbolize a fear of the unknown. They can point to a deep seated anxiety that something isn't right or a nagging feeling that something is waiting for them, something bad, like a snake in the grass. Is there something going on in your life that you are afraid of doing simply because you've never done it before?

So if I try to understand this in context to what is currently taking place in my life, I realize that the fears of pregnancy, the anger with my husband have all resulted in mood swings, where I am elated and depressed at alternate turns.

I fear that I might have the same fractious relationship with my daughter as my mother has with me.

And I am angry and frustrated with my husband because I am unable to make him realize how much his limited interest in me and the baby is affecting our relationship. I am afraid and angry that I will be raising our kids alone while he is there only for the good times, only to play the 'good Cop'.

It scares me about how will we cope once we bring the baby home, will she be safe and healthy, etc... I need to CONQUER my FEARS!!!

The Tale of the Missing Skirt

I have not been sleeping too well. The backache, the constant need to pee, the nagging cough from the chest congestion are all compounded by the the emotional stress from my husband and the fact that we have not been talking for the last 3 days. In during the brief moments of sleep, I remember two dream episodes...

What happened to my skirt?
I am sitting on top of a truck bonnet, one of those typical Indian trucks, you know the ones with the sign that says "Horn ok, Please!" I think it was in front of my grandmother's house in Chembur, there's a slum village in front, taxis, very chaotic.
Its getting late, time to get home so I slide down to the ground. To my dismay I realize that for some reason I have lost my skirt, I am only wearing the white blouse which is part of my school uniform and barely covers my butt. And to top it all, my bag has got hooked around the spike protruding from the bonnet. Somehow, without revealing too much, I manage to get the bag down,but now the dilemma is "How do I get home?"

Luckily, I have my brown scarf with me and I knot that around my waist. Even though it shows a lot of leg, at least its better than nothing. I have to take a cab home but decide not to take any of the ones parked nearby. I am pretty sure that these cab drivers have seen me in my semi-naked state and I'm afraid that they would take advantage of me once I am in their cab. So I start walking down the village road, hopefully to get a cab further down. I am pretty nervous!

Interpretation from some sites - Nakedness in dreams can be symbolic of waking life vulnerability. One may feel vulnerable about a relationship -- Well that's true that this fight, these last few months I have been feeling very vulnerable because I feel that Yogi does not love me enough, that I am playing 'last fiddle' to a lot of things. Plus, not having a job makes me feel even more helpless.

Phone Love I walk into the bedroom, Yogi is lying on the bed and playing with the phone as usual. In the dream, I am part of the same fight that we are currently having, so we are not talking to each other. As I walk in, I hear him say to the phone "Googa baacha, I love you googa baby", while watching one of the videos we made together. And I realize that he wants to say it to me but his ego prevents it, so he is telling it to my video self. When I think about this second dream, I tear up.

This is probably my inner sense wishing that my husband and I were not fighting, that he would make amends and love me much more than before. But as they say, 'if wishes were horses, beggars would ride'!

Rescue Dawn

Woke up this morning in a contemplative mood, it was dark & overcast outside with the drizzle of the rain. Somehow the morning matched the dream I had. The dream started off with a fight, went onto a path of self discovery followed by the realization that only I can save the ones I love.

Dream Scene 1: Yogi & I are having coffee in a cafe, when he says that he needs to make a call using my cellphone since his is not working. Instead of making the call in front of me, he goes outside into the balcony and closes the sliding doors so that I can't hear his conversation. After the call, I observe that he has erased the last call record from my phone and it sends me into a frenzy. I run outside and and start yelling and hitting him, I need him to tell me who he was calling and why did he hide it from me. But Yogi just denies that he had erased the record and so the matter remained unresolved.

Dream Scene 2: The following day I left home with a few possessions in a backpack. I just felt so angry with him that I decided I would be better off on my own. So there I was in a mall, trying to figure out what to do. For some reason, it was imperative that I pay my cellphone bill and so I went inside the phone shop. When they asked me for the number, I got confused and gave them Yogi's number. Anyways, let me pay off his bill I thought and then I can pay mine, my last gesture of goodwill towards him. I opened my wallet and there was a thick bundle of US Dollars and some Malaysian Ringgits. I started fumbling with the money and the owner told me that he couldn't accept payment in US Dollars. In my dream, I remember thinking that I have brought the USD so that I will have sufficient funds to be on my own, even though I normally don't carry them around. The shopkeeper informed me that the bill for my number is not ready, it hasn't been processed yet at the telco center. As I left the shop, I could hear the sales staff whispering about this customer who carries around US money in her wallet.

Dream Scene 3: I next wander into a huge food court, with half a mind to get something to eat. As I am almost about to sit down at a table, I notice a door next to the table which goes outside and there is a small iron gate there. Intrigued, I walk out and reach the gate, which opens into a small little lane. It had been raining quite heavily, so there is still water pouring down the street. I enter the lane and realize it is the backside of a small apartment block, a place that I seem to recognize from my childhood. I walk towards the front and the apartment in the front is owned by my maternal grandmother. Everything is in gloomy shades due to the rain. Her windows and are whitish-grey wooden blinds and the door is of the same color. I enter, it is a small room with no lights, and she is sleeping. The color tone is of early dawn, when the sun hasn't yet given brightness to things. I exit!

Despondent and lonely in my dream, I know that I am not meant to be alone, I can't be without my husband and I need to get back home.

Dream Scene 4: The dream then transitions into the inside of a building where my family & friends are being shepherded along a corridor by gunmen. They are going to be held hostage inside two rooms. I manage to slip away without being noticed. Imagine the layout, there is a wall in the middle of the corridor that seems to have not much purpose. At one end of the wall there is an opening, which leads to the 2 doors where the captives are being held. On the end end (where I am currently hiding), there are staircases leading up and down. You can also reach the captivity rooms via a narrow passageway next to the wall and the stairs going down.

Dream Scene 5: As I desperately think of what I can do to save the hostages, I see my brother swaggering along. He too has managed to sneak away. He starts acting foolhardy and I tell him that he is going to get us caught. And true to my prediction, one of the gunmen walks into the corridor, as he had heard some noise that we had made. Luckily, we spot him before he spotted us, so we rush up the stairs, one landing up. The gunman and his female colleague decide to come up the stairs to make absolutely sure that there is no one there. My brother refuses to listen to me and only climbs up to the 2nd landing, he thinks that, that they won't come up more that that.

Somehow, my instincts tell me that I need to climb higher and I go up. When the gunman (a dark, swarthy chap with a mustache) reaches the 2nd landing, he captures my brother. Still suspicious, they start climbing once more. On the 4th level (which is where I am hiding), I peep through the railings. They climb upto the 3rd floor, check out the 4th floor through the railings without climbing further. As they can't see me, they go down feeling secure that no one else has escaped. During this time, I realize I have two options. I can either leave through the door on the 4th floor and take the lift down to the floor where the captives are, or I can wait for the kidnappers to leave and then go down the stairs.

Dream Scene 6: In my dream, I adopt plan B. Sneaking down the stairs, I enter the room where my family has been kept tied up, without being seen. To my horror, I discover that the gunmen were not kidnappers. Instead they wanted to kill my family by throwing them to the mercy of the sea. As I enter, I see that there is no wall at the end of the two rooms, its open and there is a sheer drop to the ocean below. There is a storm raging outside with the wind and water rushing into the room. Any moment, they will be swept into the sea. I quickly cut the ropes that bind their hands and we manage to free everyone.

Finale: I wake upto to the sound of the stormy waves in my ears (there is construction going on upstairs) and the room dark like a womb because of the rain outside. I am safe!

The jilted bride

I know I am writing a dream here after a very, very long time. But that's the way it is!

This morning I woke up sad, weeping in my sleep, amazed to find there were no tears rolling down my cheeks. I dreamt that I was going to get married to Yogi and I was waiting in the marriage house, waiting for him to come so that we could say our vows. I was wearing a long, white lace wedding gown. Then someone told me that he hasn't come in yet, because he's waiting outside in the car, he is having cold feet.

I was extremely angry with him after hearing that, plus of course it hurt my ego. Leaving the house, I walked outside to cool down. I took a long circuitous route around the neighborhood that would bring me back to the entrance of my parents home (where I was to get married), and I knew he would be sitting in the car there. For some reason, I was supposed to wear white tights under the gown, which was slit on either side upto my thighs. But because of my anger and the rush to get out, I had forgotten about it. So there I am walking angrily, planning what to say to him in my head, when roadside guys started teasing me because of the display of flesh. These were the common, poor Indian worker kind of guys. But I didn't care!

When I reached the entrance of the house (a brownstone), I saw Birju sitting at the top of the steps, wearing a spondylitis collar. He said with almost a superior tone, that Yogi has left in the car and I took too long to get there. Had I come there sooner, maybe I could have convinced him to come inside and get married as planned. I just ignored him and walked in while telling him to 'fuck off' in my mind. And I wondered to myself, is he right, should I have just gone straight to Yogi and talked things out instead of letting my ego stand in the way...

Stepping inside the room, I realized that everyone had left because they knew that the marriage had been called off. It was the bedroom, with a huge bed that I remember from my childhood. My parents were already in bed, with a space in the middle, waiting for me to come and sleep. I lie down next to them for a while and then can't take it anymore. I go to the next room, close the door and start howling desperately for 10 minutes. Finally I am done and I realize that, this is the last I am ever going to cry for anyone!

Birju comes inside the house and he takes me home, where I am all alone... and I wake up to the reality of my happiness that I am with the person I love.

Magic Bus of Purpose

Last night was quite an adventure, many dreams, one running into the other...

The one I remember the most was about the Magic Bus of Purpose.

Can't recall how it started, but I was with some people, and we werelooking for something. We are outside some houses, in a typical suburban tree-lined street, like ‘Wisteria Lane'. Two of the cars are ours and we have yet to find what we are searching for. So we move onto the car in the next driveway and are rummaging frantically in the trunk. I feel that the thing we are searching for is very urgent and will save a life.

Suddenly a man comes along, sucking on a lollypop. Sandy brown hair, blue jeans and a shirt, he looks very harmless. We tell him that the person whom the car belongs to, is not at home, so he should come by some other time, all the while acting as if we are not doing anything illegal.

He doesn't say anything, just nods and starts walking off. I can see him pressing some button and suddenly, gunshots are being fired at us from the house. I realize that the car belonged to that man and he was onto us.

We see a huge double-decker Bus coming down the road and we jump onto it, to save our lives. It’s full of people, and I realize all the passengers are there for a purpose, they have a reason and a right to be in the bus. The bus driver/ conductor comes along to ask me my reason, and I know that unless I find a place to sit, I will be thrown out of the Bus.

To my relief, a man in the second-row scoots over and offers me a seat besides him. I sit down and pretend that I am confused and unsure of why I am there, to the bus driver. He reassures me, that I will soon remember and understand what my purpose is.

As he moves to the front to drive, I decide to stand with him to get some more information about this peculiar Bus. While we are chatting, two small children - a boy and a girl come to talk to the bus driver. They point outside and insist that they want to get off and go home.

We are now at a completely different location. It’s a rural countryside, not many lights. There’s a school where people are heading to, for a candlelight vigil. Apparently the two kids were lost, got picked up by the Bus and their purpose to be in the Bus was to find their way home. I could see the parents of the two children walking over to the school. As the bus driver explained this to me, he got off and headed towards the school with the two children.

The Bus driver was gone, but the bus was still moving along the road and we are now in the middle of a busy street, cars honking around us as the bus swung from one side of the road to the other. I grabbed the steering wheel and started driving the bus, just keeping it moving until he came back.

Somehow, impossibly, we were on a narrow, winding mountain road, with a drop on one side and the mountain on the other. The path was so narrow, that only two people could walk on it, yet somehow, I managed to keep the bus moving safely. Suddenly the path ends, a part of it has broken off, so there’s a big gap and a sheer drop. I know I can’t drive the bus anymore and I ask aloud to the bus driver, whom I know can hear me “How can I drive across this gap?”

He’s back in the bus and answers me “Don’t worry, I will teach you, it’s quite easy. Walk straight down with your knees bent and then when you’re towards the end of the drop, straighten your body.” He demonstrates as he walks with his body L-shaped and then he’s crossed the divide safely, almost like Spiderman. I plaintively think, “Well that’s all fine when you are walking, but what if you have to drive this huge bus?”

Anyways, I’m back in the driver’s seat and we are on another road, the driver standing next to me. He tells me “Well you have found your purpose, your reason to be in this Bus. It’s to replace me and drive this Bus. No driver can leave this position, until the next one comes along. Few years down the road, another one will come along to replace you, and that’s how that’s how the process flows.”

And that’s it; I am now the new Bus driver, picking up people, who are looking for their purpose in life.

That was what I had been urgently searching for…

I have a boy : )

Last night I had a 'real' dream, you know, one of those dreams that seem more real than reality itself!

I dreamt that my husband & I had a son, a cute baby boy, between 1-2 years of age. The three of us have gone for a holiday, somewhere in Europe and now are at the airport to come back home.

In all the hustle bustle & luggage & noise, my son poops in his pants, so I am forced to take him to the washroom to get cleaned up. Luckily, I don't have to dirty my hands, there's an ayay to do the dirty deed. While she is changing him, my son slaps her on her face. I pull his hands away, so that she won't get mad and slap him back.

Finally we are done and are at the check-in counter, there's two hours to go before the plane takes off. But the damm flight staff wont let us onto the flight as they insist check-in time is strictly 2.5 hrs before the flight time. My husband & I are arguing with him, but he refuses to budge, just tells us to take the next flight tomorrow morning.

I take charge, send my husband away to stand with my son & the luggage, so that I can convince the flight ground staff on a personal note. I tear up, as I talk about how difficult it is to travel with kids, I tell him "I am sure you have kids so you would know what it is like." Finally he consents & allows us to board the flight...

As I wake up from this dream, I wonder what it means, is my body clock sending me a message???